All-purpose

I feel certain you'll be relieved to learn that, should you leave your preschool-age twins unsupervised for two minutes, tops, during which time they determine that Wright's Silver Cream might serve quite nicely as a facial masque, actually, that the calm and pleasant voice on the other end of the poison-control hotline will neither mock your unnecessary hysteria nor report you to the authorities for absymal parenting skills, but will simply reassure you that this mild skin irritant, once rinsed off the skin, should cause your children no permanent harm.

Please note, however, that your heart will race wildly, then break a little when, after a proper scolding and thorough cleansing, you ask your daughter what on earth possessed her to do such a thing and she looks at you, clear-eyed and beautiful and, yes, tarnish-free, and answers, "Because I wanted to be grown up, Mommy."