Showtime

Now showing at a red brick house in a neighborhood near you, it's Cabin Fever: The Fussiness. Hour one of this 15-hour action-packed sci-fi Kevin Smith-inspired dramedy is highlighted by a very special guest star: none other than Trey, in the star-making role of Daddy, who is working from home today because... well, it is cold outside.

(Just kidding, of course: it's more than cold. It's VERY cold. As in, the air temp dropped 30 degrees while I was frantically grabbing emergency rations at Central Market last night. Then it began to rain by the buckets. We're assured that precipitation of a seriously wintry sort will be falling by lunchtime, which will render the evening commute an impossibility.)

And now, back to the show. Cabin Fever: The Fussiness follows the trials and misadventures of three small, highly energetic children who will be forced to spend the day cooped inside their boring house, instead of at the park. Spoiler alert: cabin fever sets in, followed closely by fussiness.

The soundtrack for Cabin Fever is a running broadcast of our local news station, which has suspended its regular programming to bring us the latest breaking developments on today's weather crisis. So far, the latest development from the field is: it's VERY cold. And now, back to the studio.

Courtesy of the studio, we're able to watch a continuously updated scrolling list of school closings. Carter doesn't even have school today, and still we find ourselves watching the list with growing anticipation as it nears its alphabetical end.

C'mon, Westwood. C'mon, Westwood! AAAWWW: no Westwood!

So, no, the show's not very scintillating yet. But stay tuned for these potentially thriling plot twists:

How quickly and soundly will my resolve against children's television be beaten down?
Who'll draw the first reservation in the time-out chair?
Will we actually bake cupcakes, or just eat the raw batter for lunch?
At what point, if ever, will I change out of the oh-so-stylish maternity pajamas I'm currently wearing?
How long will Trey be able to stay holed up in his remote office (i.e., our bedroom) before the children remember that he's here and unceremoniously flush him out?

Don't touch that dial.

P.S. I was so touched by last night's emotionally moving missive from D Magazine's executive editor re: Arctic Blast 2006 that I just had to share it here. Get your tissues ready...

RUN FOR COVER!
If someone reads this message, please tell my wife and children that I love them. The wintry mix is nigh upon us! Surely if I'm fortunate enough to wake on the morrow, the byways of this fair city shall be so covered with the frozen ice cold water stuff that I shant be able to venture out. I fear I've not procured enough potable water nor foodstuffs to survive the chill. This may very well be my last blog post. Pray for me.
Tim Rogers · 09:52 PM